Phillipsburg, NJ - With road crews still scattered across town today, P.A.J.A.M.A. (Phillipsburg Association of Judgmental Adults Monitoring Absolutely-everything) is demanding construction inconvenience be distributed equally.
“Why does Hill Street get stormwater work while my street gets nothing?” demanded member Karen McBitcherson. “I want a backhoe outside my house by Monday. I’m a taxpayer, goddammit.”
Meanwhile, crossing Phillipsburg requires GPS, emergency provisions and the survival instincts of a Fallujah taxi driver.
Karen also questioned why the Black Bridge reopening deserves political photo opportunities while nobody’s lining up to pose with construction barrels.
“Where are the politicians getting their pictures taken with MY road? Suddenly nobody wants to stand next to a backhoe?”
P.A.J.A.M.A. has proposed an Adopt-a-Detour program allowing neglected neighborhoods to borrow barricades and experience equal inconvenience.
McBitcherson insists her street deserves attention, even if nothing needs repairing.
“If they’re blocking somebody else’s driveway, they better block mine too.”
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.