Phillipsburg, NJ - A 31,000-square-foot warehouse dressed like a Holstein cow has sold for $1.76 million, proving there’s money in Phillipsburg real estate if you know which end to milk.
Remember the former Ingersoll Rand property? Roughly 380 acres were involved in a reported $2.5 million deal in 2016. By 2018, a 365-acre redevelopment site with construction approvals sold for $43 million.
That’s a $40.5 million difference in sale prices. Of course, demolition, land assembly and approvals cost money. Apparently, knowing what to do with the property is worth considerably more than owning it.
Meanwhile, one cow-painted building sitting on just 1.1 acres fetched nearly 70 percent of the earlier $2.5 million price.
Now here’s where the math gets downright ridiculous.
At $1.76 million for 1.1 acres, the cow building works out to $1.6 million per acre. Apply that same rate to the roughly 381-acre Ingersoll Rand redevelopment property and you get a staggering $609,600,000.
That’s nearly $610 million.
Granted, comparing a functioning warehouse to a massive former industrial property isn’t exactly how professional appraisals work. But neither is looking at a $2.5 million transaction followed by a $43 million resale and pretending nobody should have questions.
Perhaps the Urban Enterprise Zone should investigate painting South Main Street black and white to attract investors.
Then again, given Phillipsburg’s real estate history, somebody would probably sell the entire herd before realizing what it was worth.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.